xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxDear Tiger Woods, I am writing because I don’t have a clue what the hell is going on. I’ve heard that you were going to quit golf in order to get your life back in order. I heard that your wife, Elin Nordegren, gave you an ultimatum — Family or Golf — and that you have accepted the ultimatum, and are taking a break from golf. I also heard that you’ve been using performance-enhancing drugs! Say it ain’t so, Tiger! SAY IT AIN’T SO!!! Alright, I’m sorry, I need to calm down. It’s just that this is all a little much. I just want to be clear about what’s happening. You’re going to quit the two things that you love more than anything else in this world: 1) golf and 2) sleeping with women who are not your wife…so that you can stay at home and sleep with your wife. The whole thing just seems a little much, you know? Your chances of being a role model have gone down the tubes, and now, instead of freely living the playboy life you seem to so desperately want, you’re going to give it all up so that you can present the
