DON’T DIE SELF-MUMMIFY! 5 EASY STEPS TO IMMORTALIZATION You’re just wasting time here. You could be so much more productive in the afterlife! Three dozen Buddhist monks can’t be wrong. Step 1 Preparation Set aside 2000 days for your transition. This is a “slowly, but surely” process. Inform family and friends of your new decision. Ask them for help, you will be pleasantly surprised when you see just how many people will support your new direction in life. Be sure to sit down with your boss! Let him or her know that you will be taking a leave of absence and you hope they will consider having you back after your personal matters are attended to. This is just in the rare case that it doesn’t work….There’s nothing worse than wasting 2 plus years of your time only to end up really hungry and without a job. Step 2 The South Beach Diet Remove ALL fat from your body. (No cutting!) A friend recommends “Beyonce’s Master Cleanse Diet ” and a couple of nuts and seeds here and there. This will take time, maybe 1000 days, but remember: no pain no gain. At this point you should stop, step back, and reconsider. Why do [...]










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